This week will mark 8 years of marriage for us. It seems both like a really long time and no time at all. We were 21 and 22 and it took us a long time to get where we are today. The first few years are rocky for sure. Even living together beforehand doesn’t compare to being official (which we did). It’s a whole different world once it is binding.
We never really had to combine finances or anything like that after the wedding, because we already had. But we had lots of fights over stupid things and it took us about 4 years to get to the smooth sailing spot were we (mostly) are now. We still have stupid fights occasionally but it is more about where to hang a piece of art and not anything truly difficult.
We both wanted everything more smooth before we tried getting pregnant because husband grew up with hostile parents who got divorced and only one of them can be civil and normal with the other to this day. And my parents were a great example of everything not to do as parents. I actually didn’t want to even have a child originally because I didn’t want to mess a kid up in the same way my parents did, but my husband helped me see that I would never be like that.
We also laid ground rules for any potential break up including being adult about the separation so that our daughter wouldn’t have to pass notes or messages like my husband experienced. Basically we agreed that we would be adult and work together no matter our own personal issues. Once we worked out our stuff, great things happened.
Our 5th anniversary was also around the same time as the birth of our daughter. That actually helps me remember our anniversary better, I’m terrible with dates but my husband always knows.
We haven’t done anything super celebratory for our anniversary since our daughter, but staying home and relaxing with good food is great for now. I’ve been in a mad dash to complete my mile long to-do project list for the birthday party. I’ve got it down to cleaning the woodwork and staining and varnishing the staircase. I also painted our entire upstairs hallway which wasn’t initially on my list at all. The wallpaper in our house looks pretty bad and I am slowly ripping it down, the people who rented the space before were really hard on the walls. I have 2 more rooms to fix yet.
Eventually I will have less to do before the party and our daughter will be older so we can do real anniversary celebrations again. Although neither of us like being away from Aria so we probably won’t stay away for a weekend like we used to occasionally. It is hard to believe we are rounding on 10 years married so soon. My husband observed that by then we will have been together more than 1/3 of our lives, especially counting the time we were dating and engaged.
I also wanted to add in the best piece of marriage advice I ever got, even though I don’t remember who said this. They told me that love isn’t just a feeling, it is a choice you make every day to put someone else’s needs on an equal place with your own, or above your own sometimes. You will have days were you fight and dislike the person you married very much, but you still need to choose to love them irregardless. It is really helpful not to think of love as something you just feel, but more something you do. It will help your relationship immensely.